Theme Park ex Machina
by PepperjackCandy
Summary: Look! It's humor *and* parody! Which translates into "general silliness." Clark gets his origin story from a totally unexpected source.


Title: Theme Park Ex Machina  
Author: PepperjackCandy  
Rating: PG  
Pairing: Mostly Gen (could be CLex if you squint)   
Category: Silliness  
Spoilers for: None  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing Smallville-related, or related in any other way to Clark Kent, Superman or any of the various creations of the wonderful folks at DC Comics. Neither do I own anything related to any of the Six Flags theme parks, which are owned by Six Flags Theme Parks, Inc.   
  
Feedback: Always welcome, either by e-mail or using the review system at fanfiction.net.   
  
A/N: The rollercoaster is the Superman Krypton Coaster at Six Flags Fiesta Texas. The workers in the shop look like the former manager of my local comic book store and his sidekick, but I suspect they act more like the Frog brothers from The Lost Boys.  
  
There is no Six Flags Kansas City in our reality (no Six Flags theme parks at all in Kansas, and the only one in Missouri is in St. Louis, clear on the other side of the state), so this obviously is not set in our reality, therefore there is no Smallville TV show in this reality. 8-)  
  
The title comes from the phrase "deus ex machina," which is defined at dictionary.com as: "In Greek and Roman drama, a god lowered by stage machinery to resolve a plot or extricate the protagonist from a difficult situation." (). Well, we aren't introducing a god to explain things so much as we're introducing a theme park to do so, and therefore . . .  
======  
  
"Hey, Clark. You up to checking out a new report for the Wall of Weird?" Chloe asked as she approached the table that Clark and Lex shared, Pete trailing in her wake.  
  
"Lex and I sorta had plans, Chlo." Clark responded, but Lex interrupted.  
  
"Actually, I'd love to see what your new anomaly is."  
  
"You sure?"  
  
Lex nodded decisively. "Yep."  
  
"Great!" Chloe grinned. "You might want to get some provisions for the trip."  
  
"Trip?" The two young men asked simultaneously.  
  
"Yeah. It's just off I-70 outside of Metropolis."  
  
Two and a half hours later, they were on Route 24 headed northeast. Just outside of Reno, they saw it -- a clearly-defined rip in the open Kansas sky.  
  
As they approached on foot, they saw that the opening went clear to the ground, and they could see shadows and light moving on the other side.  
  
Chloe began taking picture after picture as she got closer and closer to the rip. Finally, she stuck her hand in quickly, then removed it.  
  
Clark dashed to her side with a touch of superspeed. "Chloe! What the hell are you doing?"  
  
She waggled her fingers at him. "Just checking to see if it's safe."  
  
"Safe?"  
  
"Yeah. To go into."  
  
Immediately, all three young men shook their heads in unison, mumbling various rejections of this plan.  
  
"Oh, come on. We can't come all this way just to take pictures and turn around and go back. If you can honestly tell me that you don't want to check it out, we'll go home."  
  
The silence that followed this was revealing.  
  
"Good. Just like I thought." With that, she slipped from Clark's grasp and dashed through.  
  
"Chloe!" Clark yelled, to no avail.  
  
They turned just in time to see Chloe's hand reappear from the hole, then disappear again.  
  
They followed her.  
  
All four ended up in a heap in the middle of a paved walkway.  
  
"It's . . ." Clark sat up and looked around.  
  
"An amusement park," Pete finished.  
  
The quartet dusted themselves off and looked around. "Well, this wasn't what *I* expected." Chloe admitted. "But then, I really didn't know what to expect."  
  
"Well, we could at least hit some of the rides and things before we go back." Pete suggested.  
  
"I just want to know where we are. The temperature feels the same, so we're probably on the same latitude. Maybe Kings Island in Cincinnati?" Lex wondered.  
  
"Look! Up in the sky!" Pete gestured upwards.  
  
Clark saw a man standing on top of the roller coaster, obviously in danger, and began to weigh his options on how to save him.  
  
Chloe saw a possible story on strange human behavior.  
  
Lex saw the beginning of some kind of scheduled show.  
  
"He's wearing the same outfit as the Crows mascot!" Pete said when his companions clearly didn't grasp his message.  
  
Then, they all saw it.   
  
"You're right, Pete," Chloe breathed in astonishment.  
  
"So we can't have gone far," Lex said.  
  
"Guys, -- sorry, Chloe -- he's not moving. I think he's a statue." Clark offered.  
  
"All right. So why is there a statue of some guy in the Smallville Crows mascot outfit on top of a roller coaster in . . . where are we?" Chloe asked.  
  
Clark hurriedly read the name from a souvenir bag. Without thinking, he said, "Kansas City. Kansas City?" He asked as what he'd said sunk in.  
  
"That's what Metropolis was called before my great-grandfather persuaded the two halves to secede from their respective states," Lex explained patiently. "That was around 1900."   
  
"Certainly doesn't look like 1900 to me," Pete opined as he watched a young woman in a revealing top and hotpants walk past.  
  
"Certainly not," Lex grinned.  
  
"I vote we go that way," Chloe pointed in the direction of the roller coaster. "And since it's my Wall of Weird . . ."  
  
Obligingly, the other three followed Chloe's lead until they saw a gift shop at the base of the roller coaster. "I bet we can get our questions answered there," Chloe said.  
  
They walked towards the building emblazoned with pictures of the man in the mascot suit.   
  
Then Clark saw two large, yellow words that made his blood run cold, _CLARK KENT._  
  
Unfortunately, Clark's moment of indecision was one moment too many. Soon, all four had their eyes locked on that damning verbiage.  
  
"Um, Clark?" Pete asked hesitantly.   
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You know that your name is up there?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Dunno."  
  
Then, as if they'd been released from a tractor beam, all four began to move forward.  
  
"They can't be talking about you," Chloe sniffed dismissively as they walked closer.  
  
"Of course they can't." Clark responded without conviction.  
  
"I mean, you can't bend steel with your bare hands, right?"  
  
"Of course not," Clark almost whimpered.  
  
Clark caught Lex's assessing look at his response, but was spared his questions when they walked into the shop.  
  
As soon as they crossed the threshold, Clark heard one of the workers whisper to the other, "Ten bucks says that guy reads Superman comic books."  
  
Clark followed the speaker's gaze, seeing that it rested on Lex. As he looked away from Lex, his gaze met Clark's.  
  
"I was just saying that your friend looks like Lex Luthor." He said by way of explanation.  
  
"That's because I am Lex Luthor. And you are . . ."  
  
"Steve." The employee spluttered. "And that's Eric." He pointed to the other young man.  
  
Chloe, who, along with Pete, been looking around in amazement at the text on the walls, tuned back in. "You don't want to become a reporter, do you, Clark?"  
  
Clark glanced back at Pete, who was mouthing, "Change the course of mighty rivers, bend steel in his bare hands . . ." under his breath.   
  
Snorting, Clark responded to Chloe's question. "I don't even know what I want for dinner tonight, let alone what I'm going to do after college."  
  
"Wait a minute. Your name is Clark? As in Clark Kent?"  
  
"Um. Yeah." Clark resisted the urge to look up at his name on the wall again.  
  
"No shit?"  
  
"No shit." Clark responded uneasily.  
  
"Then how come you're not wearing glasses?"  
  
"Post Man of Steel continuity." Eric said from the corner where he lurked. Clark realized he'd never heard Eric speak before.  
  
"Then who are these two? Ron Troupe and Lucy Lane?"  
  
"No. They're Pete Ross and . . .," Clark's words slowed as Steve stared at Pete, "Chloe Sullivan." He finally finished.  
  
"No way that's Pete Ross."   
  
Pete reached into his wallet for his driver's license, handing it to Steve.  
  
"Smallville Kansas?" Steve laughed. "That's great, man."  
  
Perplexed, Pete took his license back from Steve.   
  
"Well, you know, 'cause Superman's from Smallville and . . . you know." Steve finished lamely.  
  
The silence was deafening.  
  
"Yeah," Clark finally said, smiling. "So, if I'm Clark Kent, what can you tell me about my life?"  
  
"Well," Steve appeared to be lost in thought for a moment. "You grew up in Smallville, Kansas. Your adoptive parents are Jonathan and Martha Kent."  
  
Steve didn't appear to notice the looks the other four exchanged at this.  
  
"You're not wearing glasses, so you played football for Smallville High School."  
  
_One wrong._ Clark thought.  
  
"If you'd worn glasses, then you wouldn't have. You'd've spent your whole life as Clark Kent pretending to be a clutz."  
  
_Never mind._  
  
"Your biological parents were named Jor-El and Lara. They named you Kal-El, and sent you to Earth when your home planet, Krypton, was destroyed. Some pieces of it, kryptonite, came to Earth, too. Mostly they're green, but there could be some other colors too, depending on the continuity -- red and gold and white and blue . . . .  
  
"Anyway, eventually you'll become a reporter, marry your partner, Lois Lane," Clark noticed both Chloe and Lex look at him sharply at those words, "and using Kryptonian technology from your ship, you'll build a sort of retreat/shrine to Krypton where you can go to be alone, with only a bunch of androids for company."  
  
"I've got this week's book here," Eric interrupted, reaching under the sales counter. "He goes to the Fortress in this one."  
  
"Fortress?" All four Smallvillians replied in unison.  
  
"Yeah. The Fortress of Solitude." When the other four looked at him, astonished, he asked, "What?"  
  
"Nothing," Clark said. "Can I see that?"  
  
Eric handed it to him.  
  
Just then, a crush of teenagers came through.   
  
"That's the latest ride letting out. We'd better get back to work." Steve said.  
  
"You can keep the comic book." Eric said.   
  
"You sure?"  
  
Eric nodded. "Yeah. It's only two bucks. I can get another one."  
  
"Thanks."   
  
Then, before they were flattened by the crowd, the four Smallvillians left.  
  
They walked back to the rift and then gingerly stepped through it.  
  
As soon as all four made it back to Chloe's car, the rift sealed up with a sucking sound, like the air being pushed out of a Tupperware container.  
  
"All right. That was strange. Even for Smallville." Chloe said to Clark, who was engrossed in the comic book.  
  
Clark looked up. "Huh?"  
  
"You're not really an alien, are you?" Chloe asked.  
  
"Of course not." Clark lied obviously.  
  
Chloe nodded. "I didn't think so."  
  
Clark boggled at the realization that Chloe was just as capable of selective observation as any resident of Smallville. Pete was nodding his agreement with Chloe.  
  
As they climbed back into Chloe's car, Lex kept watching Clark.  
  
And Clark wasn't sure whether to be relieved that Lex finally knew his secret, or worried by the speculative expression on Lex's face.  
  
The End . . .  
or is it?  



End file.
